Mirror, mirror, on the gym wall

I know that working out is supposed to make you feel better about yourself - more confident, stronger, leaner, more energized, yada, yada, yada.  And it generally does.  But it's also one of the only times that I really take a good long look in the mirror and scrutinize my body.  

It takes me about 10 minutes to get ready in the morning once I get out of the shower.  I'm not one for standing in front of the mirror until my makeup and my hair and my outfit are perfect.  Maybe I should start, because I'm sure I look like a hot mess more often than not.  But it's just not in me.  

But at the gym, I'm forced to stand and face a mirror head on for part or all of my workout. Sometimes, this means looking at myself for upwards of an hour!  I know that I'm supposed to be using the mirror to make sure that my form is correct and I'm doing moves in the most effective way possible.  And for the most part, I do that.  

But come on, you can't expect me to be able to concentrate on my form that intently for that long.  I'd lose my mind.  

So, I start critiquing myself.  Yesterday, during my hour-long yoga class, I noticed: 

• I have a major case of Oprah arms if I hold my arms a certain way. Apparently all of those triceps exercises haven't really been doing much for me. 
• My toes are totally disproportionate.  My second toe is longer than my big toe, and my middle toe is also slightly alien-like. 
• My fingers can look long and sinewy if I just stretch them out really far.  This is something that I'm sure will come in handy in everyday life.
• When I wear undies under thinner yoga pants, I get terrible panty lines.  But I don't like going commando, so I'm just going to need to not focus on the panty lines. 
• My thick thighs make yoga pants look silly on me.  Especially next to the long and lean yoga teacher.
• No matter what I do, no matter what kind of non-slip or frizz controlling headband I wear, I will always have a frizz halo somewhere in my hairdo.  And random pieces of hair that don't want to stay in my bun for some reason.  

The thing is - and this is not in any way, shape, or form revolutionary thinking - nobody's watching me do yoga.  Or lift.  Or bike.  Or run.  Or whatever else I'm doing.  At least they're probably not.  And so what if they are.  They're probably not noticing my freakish toes. 

Maybe they're noticing how I'm smirking to myself because I just almost fell over.  Or how I'm subtly bouncing my head to the beat of whatever song is coming through my headphones. Or how I'm doing an exercise so incredibly perfectly that it brings tears to their eyes (note: this is probably not the case).

They're also maybe noticing my VPL.  But at least I'm wearing undies, right?  And they might notice the rats nest of hair on my head.  But hey, I've got to accept that.  Other people can have perfectly coiffed hair whilst working out.  I can't even get perfectly coiffed hair while standing still. (Although somebody did tell me my hair looked fabulous the other day.  So, there's that!) 

I sometimes look at other people in the gym or in a class.  Usually, it's not in a creepy way.  (Usually.) But because they're wearing a really cute shirt.  Or because they're doing an exercise that I've never seen before, and I'm intrigued.  Sometimes, it's because they're being annoying and drawing attention to themselves.  Or because they're wearing an outrageous outfit.  Or a lack of clothes. 

But it's usually not because of some physical flaw, an out of place hair, a little extra weight around the middle.

So why should I do that to myself?  Why can't I just admire the way my muscles are moving, or how my shirt shows off my shoulder, or the way that my headband keeps my hair out of my face while adding a little sparkle to a winter workout.  

This is something that I want to work on.  Need to work on.  Something that I think will help my workouts be more effective for me both physically and mentally. 

Sure, it could be as simple as just not facing the mirror.  But I don't think that's the answer.  I think there's a way to shift this - to make the time that I do spend staring at myself in the mirror a more positive experience. 

An experience that can help to transition other aspects of my life in the new year, and help to make 2014 a positive year for me.  (More to come on this on Wednesday).  

I want 2014 to be a year full of not caring about frizz-free hair and Oprah-free arms; of noticing fewer panty lines and having a more positive self image; of continual growth and happiness.